D&C Test Results

Today my RE called she wanted to see how I was feeling. I was happy to tell her that the bleeding and cramping was behind me. She was happy to hear that and then she dumped on me the news that the tissue she sent for testing after my D&C came back as normal pregnancy tissue with not enough to do chromosomal testing. Then the RE asked me if I made my follow up appt to which I responded not yet, well she said I will be gone from the week before Christmas to after Christmas so I'll see you then. I really had hoped to get an appt sooner so we could discuss the next steps and what testing should I be looking into because if everything was normal, it has to be something in my body that caused me to miscarry. I hung up the phone and began to cry because I started to think about the perfect little one that I was carrying and not knowing what caused me to lose my lil angel.

2 Weeks Post D&C

Last  time I blogged I was still cramping and bleeding heavily. I am happy to say that I am no longer cramping or bleeding! This is good because it means that my hcg level is most likely down to less than 5 and my body is getting back on track. Wednesday and Thursday (Thanksgiving) I bled on and off with (TMI ahead, if squeamish turn back now) clots that were red and white looking, I googled and I am quite sure it was placental tissue pieces that were scraped off but missed being suctioned out. It was disgusting and after passing these my bleeding would get heavier I was so scared I would have to go back to the ER or have to get another D&C but Thursday evening my bleeding started to lighten and by Friday morning I was just spotting brownish looking discharge.

Now I'm waiting for my follow up appt. I should be seeing my DR in a week or so. I have to call and set the appt. I am anxious to find out if the tissue testing will tell us what went wrong. I'm also hoping to hear how long we will have to wait until we can try again. Physically I think she will say right after my next AF cycle but emotionally I may need to wait a little longer. I still have days where I want to crawl into a hole and forget everything around me, I also get so angry I want to scream and throw things, but I don't follow through on those urges. Other days I am sad but get through it with out any tears or angry feelings. I hope this phase doesn't last too much longer its exhausting to go through so many ups and downs. Its getting better though, I have a more ok days then bad days. I love my DH, he is such a rock to lean on, he understands my ups and downs and doesn't say anything but will hug me and let me cry.

Recovery Problems

The day of the procedure I  was still numb from the medicine they gave me so I didn't feel much. The next day I had cramping and light bleeding. on Friday I had severe cramping with light bleeding that the Motrin 800mg the Dr. prescribed didn't really help. Saturday it was worse, I had contraction like cramping every 5-10 mins which would take my breath away. I finally had enough of the pain and decided to go to the ER. I got there and they had me give a urine sample then they brought me back to a room. The nurse took a few vials of blood and put in an Iv port. Then the Dr came in, she told me that she was going to do a pelvic exam and also send me down for an ultrasound to make sure there wasn't any retained pregnancy items. Then she asked me if I would like some morphine for pain, which was given through injection in the backside. I declined the morphine and was given Tylenol with Codeine. I was sent to the ultrasound first, the tech first tried to use the handheld wand on my abdomen, which was very painful, and couldn't really see if there was anything, then she used the trans vaginal wand aka Dildo cam which was even more painful. She didn't say much about what she saw and told me the Dr. would give me more info.

After the ultrasound I was taken back to the room and hooked up to a monitor that showed my pulse and oxygen saturation. They also hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff that would take my blood pressure every 15 minutes (which was very annoying!). The Dr came back in to do the pelvic exam  and OMG that was painful, normally they aren't very comfortable, but this was excruciating, it felt like she was ramming her finger all the way up my uterus. I was climbing the back of the bed just  to get away from her. After the exam she told me she was going to call the Dr who did my procedure and she would be back with what would be next. What seemed like an eternity later she came back and told me that the ultrasound showed my lining was still very thick, and that there was blood pooling in my uterus also she told me that I have a mild infection called endometritis which contributed to the intense cramping I was feeling. I was given a prescription for antibiotics and Tylenol with codeine and sent home with instructions to follow up with my regular Dr.

I have been feeling cramping still with more increased bleeding, but nothing as severe as Friday and Saturday. I am hoping that I will hurry up and recover from this procedure, I really thought it would be easier. Nothing is ever easier for me it seems. Emotionally I'm a little bitter and numb, sadness comes in waves and doesn't last long. I'm just tired I guess and want to move on from this whole experience.

My D&C experience

Wednesday the 17th I went in for my procedure. Everything seemed to happen so quickly. I arrived at 11am, DH had to drop me off at the entrance because there was no parking to be found in the garage. I went to the outpatient surgery desk and was given some paperwork to fill out regarding past procedures and allergy information. From there I took the elevator to the surgery center I only waited a few minutes in the waiting room before being called back to change into the fashionable and accessible hospital gown. Then it was time to go to the back where a bed was waiting for me. I got in and nervously looked around at all the medical supplies. Nurse came in to ask me questions and start my IV I was really starting to get nervous at that time, but she was nice and numbed my hand before putting the IV in. Then finally my DH got come back to wait with me. The anesthesiologist nurse came in to ask me more questions and to tell me the Dr would be in shortly to give me something to relax me. A few mins later the Dr. came in with something in syringe and pushed the medicine into my IV line, the nurse came back and told me everything was ready to go and that it was time, told DH that I loved him and gave him my wedding ring (which he dropped!!! and had to go to lost and found to get it back) he kissed me on the forehead and told me he loved me and that he'll be there as soon as they will allow him to come back. I remember being rolled through the hallways even though I was feeling groggy, and being told to slide onto the bed in the operating room. The last thing I remember was the Dr putting on the oxygen mask and telling me to take deep breaths.

Next thing I remember is feeling someone tucking something between legs and saying she should be waking up in a minute. I opened my eyes and said hi, looked around at the Dr.s and nurses and asked them if they were done yet. I then got rolled back into the recovery room and was given water and then ginger ale and graham crackers. DH came back and gave me a hug and asked I was feeling, I told him I felt funny and then I told him that he should have some of the meds I had they were good! 30 mins later the nurse came in and said it was time for me to go the bathroom and to see if I was ready to go home. I got dressed and was wheeled out to the car. All in all, the experience wasn't that bad and I am grateful for the wonderful nurses and doctors who took care of me. I hope I never have to have the procedure again though.

D&C on Wednesday

Friday I went to the dr.s since it was 2weeks+ That we found out that our little one had stopped growing. Dr. did one last ultrasound to see what was going on, she told us that the lil one stopped growing at around 7wks and that it looked like my body was already reabsorbing everything in the sack although the sack was measuring at 10 weeks. She also stated it could take several more weeks before my body would miscarry naturally. So we scheduled the D&C for Wednesday. She told me that she would be doing the procedure ( which I am happy about that, I'm not sure if I could trust anyone else) and that she would be sending tissue samples out for testing to see if it was chromosomally or something else that caused the miscarriage.

I am so nervous, Tuesday I will have to call the medical center for pre registration and on I will start fasting that night meaning no drinking liquids including water, and no food past 10pm. On Wednesday I will have to be at the medical center at 11am and my procedure won't be until 1pm. The dr. told me that the D&C will only take 20-30 mins and that I will be under light sedation. I will probably able to leave the hosptial by 3. I hope this will go smoothly and that this will be the first and only time I will have to have this procedure done.

Breathe

Today is the fourth day since finding out that I'm going to miscarry. It feels much longer though, I don't think I can wait much longer to get this over with and move on. I am going to call my dr. soon to ask her for the D&C because I am having a hard time emotionally, I am also scared to have be alone when it happens.

Today I was watching a show that I dvr'd a few weeks ago. The host had on a music performance by a guy named Ryan Star, he sang his song Breathe. The whole song I had tears running down my face. The song just really resonated with me about all that I have been feeling since thursday,the part of lyrics that are in Italics is the part that really had me tearing up the most. Here is a video and the lyrics for the song Breathe:



Ryan Star - Breathe Lyrics

She’s fine, most of the time
She takes her days with a smile
She moves like dancing in light
Spinning around to the sound
But sometimes she falls down

CHORUS:
Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders
And put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you lead
Be all that you need

She likes New York at night
She dreams of running away
Shine on, bright like the sun
When even the sky turns grey

I need you to hear me say
I need you to hear me say

CHORUS:
Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders
And put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you lead
Be all that you need

Let go of the fear
Let go of the time
Let go of the ones
Who try to put you down
You’re gonna be fine
Don’t hold it inside
If you hurt right now
Then let it all come out

CHORUS:
Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders
And put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you lead
Be all that you need
Breathe, just breathe
Take the world off your shoulders
And put it on me
Breathe, just breathe
Let the life that you lead
Be all that you need

Let go of the fear
Let go of the time
Take the world off your shoulders
And put it on me

8w2d Bad news

Today I went in for my 8 week ultrasound. The dr. put the probe in place and thats when things started to go wrong. He was really silent for a few mins and kept scrolling and scrolling on the screen. I knew something was not going well when 10 mins have passed without him saying anything. Thats when he told me that my lil one has stopped growing and the heart has stopped beating. He didn't say how long ago it had happened but he did say that it did happen sometime in the past couple of days. I am beyond devestated. I don't know what has happened. I'm so scared. The dr. gave me a few options, 1, to let pass naturally which can take up to two weeks for it to happen, and its somewhat traumatizing, 2, to go for the D&C which is surgery, but lessens the trauma. or 3, take a medicine that will force my body to expel everything immediately which is traumatizing and can some complications. I am leaning towards the D&C because I don't know when the miscarraige will happen and I most likely will be alone, which scares me. My heart is breaking. Gone too soon my lil one, I'll never forget you my lil angel.

7w0d

Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

Today I am 7 weeks pregnant. I have had a very rough week since I last posted. On Thursday the 14th I started bleeding red and somewhat heavily. I was so scared, I called the DH who was at work and told him I needed to go to the ER immediately because I was bleeding. We spent over 3hrs at the ER where the doctor was a complete douche and wouldn't do any ultrasounds and was telling me that this happens and that there was nothing they could do for me. He called my Dr. and told her what was happening and that I should go see her soon. I went home and relaxed so sure it was over. The next day I passed a blood clot the size of my pinky finger, and then I stopped bleeding completely. I haven't bled since then I'm praying that everything is ok and can't wait for my next appt. on the 28th.

About Me:

How far along? 7w0d

Total weight gain/loss: 1-2 lbs

Maternity clothes? Not yet, though my pants are starting to get a little tighter around the waist

Stretch marks? a few but not from this lil' one

Sleep: Yes Please!!! Sleeping is like my job now, I'm seriously logging in at least 10 hrs a day lol!

Best moment this week: The bleeding and spotting has stopped!

Movement: too early, I can't wait to feel the lil' one!

Food cravings: Salads, and lemon lime soda and rootbeer.

Gender: still too early to know

Belly Button in or out? in

What I miss: nothing really, I'm still in the honeymoon phase of this pregnancy where I'm happy about everything

What I am looking forward to: Our 8 week ultrasound on 10/28

Milestones: 1st Ultrasound show heart beating and measuring on target!!!!!

Symptoms-

sore BB's

Frequent urination

Heartburn with some nausea

Extreme Fatigue

mood swings :) to :( back to :) in minutes!



6w1d First Ultrasound Photo!!!

Today DH and I went for our first Ultrasound to see the lil' one. I was a little anxious because I started spotting last week that has continued with cramping. I was expecting to hear not good news at all. The Dr. began the ultrasound and he reassured me that everything is growing and looking on target for being 6 weeks pregnant, he also showed DH and I the lil' one's heart beating and told me to relax that everything is going to go great! DH and I were so excited!!! Here's our lil' one's first Pictures!!!!

6w1d





Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting circulate.

About Me:

How far along? 6w1d

Total weight gain/loss: < 1 lb

Maternity clothes? Not yet, still fitting into my regular clothes

Stretch marks? a few but not from this lil' one

Sleep: Yes Please!!! Sleeping is like my job now, I'm seriously logging in at least 10 hrs a day lol!

Best moment this week: Seeing my lil sweet pea's first picture and heartbeat on the ultrasound!

Movement: too early, I can't wait to feel the lil' one!

Food cravings: Salads, and lemon lime soda and rootbeer.

Gender: still too early to know

Belly Button in or out? in

What I miss: nothing really, I'm still in the honeymoon phase of this pregnancy where I'm happy about everything

What I am looking forward to: Our 8 week ultrasound on 10/28

Milestones: 1st Ultrasound show heart beating and measuring on target!!!!!

Symptoms-

sore BB's

Frequent urination

Heartburn with some nausea

Extreme Fatigue

mood swings :) to :(  back to :)  in minutes!

5w0d and 3rd Beta today

Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive)

Today I am 5w0d's Pregnant!!!! I never thought I'd get to say this! I went this morning for my 3rd Beta blood work today, Beta#3 2243 @ 21DPO!!!! Right where it should be for how far along I am! I'm going to start a weekly post that will show how big the lil' one is and little questioniare about how I am  feeling. Here is my five weeks post:

About Me

How far along? 5w0d

Total weight gain/loss: < 1 lb

Maternity clothes? Not yet, still fitting into my regular clothes

Stretch marks? a few but not from this lil' one

Sleep: Yes Please!!! Sleeping is like my job now, I'm seriously logging in at least 10 hrs a day lol!

Best moment this week: Getting past my last chemical PG date of 4w3d from June

Movement: too early, I can't wait to feel the lil' one!

Food cravings: Salads, and lemon lime soda

Gender: still too early to know

Belly Button in or out? in

What I miss: nothing really, I'm still in the honeymoon phase of this pregnancy where I'm happy about everything

What I am looking forward to: Our 1st u/s on 10/13

Milestones: I'm 5 weeks!

Symptoms-
sore BB's
Frequent urination

Heartburn with some nausea

Extreme Fatigue

Follow up from yesterday

This morning my dr. called again just to wish me Congratulations, she also wanted to tell me that she wants me to go next week on Monday or Tuesday for another Beta draw just to make sure the #s are where they are supposed to be. I understand why she needs to be sure, I'm still in shock and whatever I have to do to put my our minds at ease I'll do. She also told me that my first ob ultrasound will be on October 13th, 12 days to go! I'm so excited!! I'm 4w3d the same time back in June when I found out that I was going to have a chemical pregnancy loss. Its a bittersweet feeling, I'm so nervous, I keep checking the toilet paper after I wipe scanning for spots of blood. Every cramp and twinge I feel has my mind wondering if  I'll start bleeding soon. I am trying to be positive though, I have only a few symptoms, my breasts hurt and I'm more tired then I've ever felt before and I frequently have the urge to go to the bathroom. I didn't feel this way last time so this gives me a little hope.

Beta #1 and #2

Monday I went in for my First Beta blood test. I waited all afternoon for the results. Finally a little before 4:30 the Dr. called and told me Congratulations you are now very early pregnant my beta was 34, she said its a little on the low side, but she was hopeful, told me to go back today for my 2nd Beta. Once again  I waited all afternoon, my mind varying from postive thoughts of doubling, to negative thoughts of lower #s. Just when I thought I was going to go insane from the suspense the Dr. called just a little bit passed 4:30 with the Great news that my beta not only doubled but almost tripled from 34 to 133. I AM  PREGNANT!!!!!! They also tested my progesterone which was at 17.5 which is ok, but I'll have to continue the progesterone supps. She told me that she'll call me soon for an ultrasound appt. to check to make sure everything is where it's supposed to be. I am beyond shocked, excited, nervous. I never thought I'd get to say those words! Here are a few pics of tests that I have taken.

Injectable Cycle #2 Folliscan #3

Well this weekend certainly didn't go as planned! On Saturday morning the Dh had to go into the office early around 5:30 and had to pick some poolees to train. On the way back from picking up poolees on route to the office, he had a little accident. His work car is a little messed up on the passenger side. He called me at 6:57 To tell me this, Remember I had an appointment for my 3rd and hopefully last ultrasound at 7:30. I freaked out immediately, after being assured he wasn't hurt then I was beyond p' offed! I had to call in and tell them what happened, they were understanding and told me that if I could come in before 12 they would fit me in for an ultrasound without the blood work because the lab would already be done for the day by 10:00. I called DH and asked him if he would be done with everything related to insurance, and documenting the incident before 11:00 which he replied with a negative. I was even more P'offed by then and told him what I thought of that, afterwards I apologized, but at the time I was worried I was going to have to cancel the cycle.  So I had to call and reschedule for Sunday.

Sunday I went in at 9:15 for the Folliscan and blood work, first my blood work was done to check for my E2 levels then I went back for my scan. My RE was the one who did the scan this morning, which I was surprised since usually its a nurse who specializes in sonography. She was a little taken aback at how much CM (cervical mucus) that I had, and told me that I most likely had a very high E2 level. Then went on to tell me my lining was "perfect". Once she started on the ovaries, she got all serious, and told me that I had at least 2 good mature follicles at 16,18 and a few at14, 12 that could catch up if I continued on my stims. Then she told me I had a lot of little follicles that weren't going to release but probably wasn't making me feel that great, which was true, I've been having terrible cramping twinges on both sides since Friday night. She told me that I may have a slight possibility for twins if we conceived. I was a little taken aback by that, but then said well we will try and handle that situation if it arises, she laughed and said that's what you say now! Around 2pm I got a call from the RE telling me my E2 levels were over 1400 and she didn't want me to continue stimming due to the fact that she was afraid that I would get OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome) and instead of releasing only 1-2 Mature Eggs, I would release anywhere between 4-5, which of course should be avoided at all costs!!!! I was told to trigger tonight and only use 2/3s of the meds and discard the rest. I triggered tonight at 9pm, so now Its bowchikawowow time!!!! I will be getting my HCG beta blood test on Sept. 27th!!! I really hope this cycle works!!!!!

Injectable Cycle #2 Folliscan #2

Went in for my 2nd Follicscan this morning at 8:00 am. My numbers have decreased from 10 to 6. Right ovary has 4 that measure  14,10,10,10,8 and Left ovary has 2 that measure 12,8. My Follistim was reduced from 175 IU back down to 150 IU due to the fact that the three follicles on the right ovary are so close in size they don't want to overstimulate or release more than 3 follicles at triggger.We don't want our own TV show on TLC called DH and Jen plus 10 lmao!  I am so tender in my abdomen, I don't want to bend over, and my belly is starting to look like a pin cushion, speckled with little dots and bruises. Hopefully I only have to do two more shots of Follistim and then the trigger. I have an appt. for my third Folliscan on Saturday at 7:30 am. The receptionsist was funny today here is the way our convo went:

R- Saturday the latest I have is 9:30, so is that good?
Me- Ummm whats the earliest? DH has to be somewhere around that time
R- The earliest??? 7:30, but nobody wants to be up at that God awful time on a Weekend.
Me- I'll Take it, I don't usually like to be, but I guess I'll suck it up.
R- Better You then Me! Have a nice weekend!

Injectable Cycle #2 Folliscan #1

This morning I had my first follicle scan for this cycle. It much more painful than I remember from last time! I have 10 follicles!!!!!!! 5 on the Left and 5 on the right! Lefty is growing an 11,3-8s and a 6 and Righty is growing a 10, 3-8s and a 6. I was so surprised when she told me this, last cycle I only had four 2 on each ovary, which then went down to 3, and then to 2 to 1. Hopefully I'll be able to get two great follies from this cycle! Looks like the upping my dosage from 125 last cycle to 150 worked, then the nurse called and told me to up my dosage to 175 for the next two nights, and come back for my second follicscan on thursday. In other news AF doesn't seem to want to leave, I've been spotting for 3 days now, and hopeing to be done soon.

Injectable Cycle #2 Baseline Ultrasound

Today I went in for my baseline ultrasound at 7:45 am. Everything looks great,  I got the all clear to start stimming. I will be getting a call from my nurse this afternoon with my dosage instructions and my next appt. date.  I'm excited to start this cycle and am hoping that we will have success! Here we go again!

Finally the Witch has arrived!

After 7 days of the hell that is provera, just ask my DH I was no Mary Sunshine last week, and a few days of waiting the witch arrived with her buddies cramps and fatigue yesterday. I am happy though, I have Follistim that has been sitting in the fridge for almost two weeks waiting on my cycle to start. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't be able to do this cycle due to timing. I called my nurse and set an appointment on Saturday for my baseline scan. I hope there are no cysts on my ovaries, and I'll be ready to stim on Saturday. I have a feeling my dosage will be slightly increased due to the fact that last cycle I only had 1 really big follicle that was ready to be triggered with a few smaller ones that weren't mature enough. At trigger they want to see at least 2 Big follicles to give better chances. It worked last time, I hope it will work this time, although I do have a fear that I'll have another Chemical :(

Beyond Frustrated!!!!

I am so frustrated right now, I have been cramping and spotting Since Sunday night, but I still am not getting a full flow yet. Everything is here, My meds are in the fridge awaiting their usage. I called the nurse this afternoon and she told me the Dr. has already left the office, and I would have to wait until tomorrow to see what the next steps are going to be. The nurse mentioned a few options that are a  possibility A) I could take Provera for a few days to see if it'll jump start my A/F, B) I could take Prometrium  to do the same, or C) wait a few more days to see if A/F will get her head out of her ass and start already. I hate all this we'll see whats what business. My patience is wearing very thin!

Injectable Cycle #2 on the way

There was a small mix up on Friday and I wasn't able to start my provera so I had to wait the weekend to call my nurse back. On Sunday night I started to spot a little bit, it continued onto Monday and today. I called my nurse and she set the wheels in motion. I just got a call from the pharmacy my meds are going to be delivered tomorrow afternoon. Now I have to wait and see if I get full flow, so I can call and schedule my baseline ultrasound. If no full flow by Thursday I have to call the nurse back to see what my next steps are. Come on AF!!! Quit playing around and get to work! I'm hoping that this cycle has better results than the last.

OHH AF WHERE ARE YOU?????

Ok so I'm getting antsy, where oh where has the witch gone? I knew this was going to happen, I most likely didn't ovulate on this natural cycle and now I'm lost on what to do. I could wait until I start to bleed naturally which could take another 10-20 days or call the dr. and get prescribed provera to bring the witch back in a week. I really hoped this "hail mary" cycle would work but, no such luck guess I'm broken and will only ovulate if forced by meds. This sucks!


**UPDATE**
I decided to call my nurse and ask her if I could be prescibed provera, Its a go. DH is picking it up for me on his way home from work. Here we go again!

What IF?

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.


This video puts into words and pictures the thoughts that run through my mind daily. I really wish IF wasn't such a secret pain, lets banish this thought!!!! Thank you Keiko where ever you are!!!! www.resolve.org/takecharge Visit this website to make a difference!

Taking A Break

I decided to sit out this cycle. Two reasons for this decision, 1) I want to make sure everything is back to normal before trying again, I know it was an early loss, and waiting isn't usually needed, but if I did go ahead with this cycle and have another chemical, I would wonder if maybe waiting would of changed things and 2) Dh and I had planned on taking a trip to Vegas at the end of July for our 7 year anniversary, and the dates we are gone would have coincided with the dates of my Follicle Scans, which I wouldn't be able to miss. So I am going to try and get my  health back on track, and enjoy Vegas, and then its back to the merry go round of injections and 2wws.

It's Over

"No farewell words were spoken, No time to say Goodbye,
You were gone before we knew it, And only God knows why" -anonymous

Today I had my second HCG Beta blood work drawn. The Dr. called back and said my numbers are decreasing, it was a 5. She said I should expect to start bleeding in the next day or two. I started cramping and spotting lightly tonight. Another chemical pregnancy, I don't know how I should feel. Why does this keep happening to me? I know its only my second chemical pregnancy, but I thought this time would be different. I found this fact on one of the medical websites "Chemical pregnancies are unfortunately very common. 50 to 60% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage very early in pregnancy."

Knowing that, and after experiencing two, I wonder if I should  even try again. The Dr. asked me what I wanted to do, I told her I'm not sure, and I would get back to her after I have my first day of heavy bleeding. I'm debating on waiting a cycle, to make sure all the hormones and such get back to normal, but at the same time I feel as if waiting will only make me depressed and I might decide not to go ahead with the next cycle. I have very limited tries before we either PCS to another duty station or EAS completely and lose infertility health coverage. On one hand, If i try again and end up pregnant to only lose again, I will be completely devestated, but if I give up, and then lose health coverage I don't know when I'll be able to try again. Decisions, Decisions! I cried earlier, but now I am numb, I don't know what to do.

Beta HCG Blood test Today

The 2ww is finally over. I took a couple of target brand tests the other day and both came up with light lines. I went in today to get my blood drawn to check my Hcg levels. Dr called back not that long ago, it was positive, but the bad news is that the level is very low at 7. Normal Hcg levels should be between 48- 150 at 14DPO. She told me not to get my hopes up, that I most likely will miscarry, but she also said that it could be too early and my levels aren't high enough yet. I have a bad feeling about this. I go back in on Thursday to get my HCG levels rechecked. Stick lil one, Stick!!!

I ovulated!

Well I triggered on Sunday, at 8pm, that wasn't the easiest injection to do. DH and I got busy and had some fun, over the past couple of days. I hope we succeeded this time!!!  I will be traveling over the 4th of July weekend, so I won't be obsessing too much. Let the 2ww begin!!!!

CD 11 Folliscan

Today I had my third and final folliscan for this cycle. My Right ovary had one at 20mm and one at 16mm!!! Left ovary follicle stopped growing at 14. The Nurse at first wasn't sure if my right ones were big enough, but then she was able to get a good look and noticed the one follicle was 20mm which is what they are looking for to trigger. I am to  trigger tonight and DH and I will be getting busy for the next couple of days!!!! Looking forward to the 2ww.

CD 9 Folliscan

Well went today to get my 2nd folliscan. The news wasn't as good as I had hoped for I had 4 follicles on Wednesday that were growing, now I only have 3 Follicles that are growing, 2 on my right at 14, 11 and 1 on my left at 9mm, Lefty is being lazy! Was told by my nurse that I might not trigger on Sunday, and might have to wait until Monday or Tuesday. Grow Follies Grow!

CD 7 Folliscan

Today I went in for my CD 7 Folliscan, I'm not sure if this is great news or good news, but I have 4 Follicles! 2 Follicles on each ovary, they are measuring kind of small at the moment but the nurse assured me they'd get bigger over the next couple of days. My E2 (estradiol or estrogen) level is at 129 which is in the right range for the number and size of my follicles. The nurse also complimented me on my lining, telling me it was really nice number for only being CD 7. I am to continue Follistim injections at 125 IU and I am going to go back for another blood draw and Folliscan on Friday. Grow Follies GROW!!!

Second day of injections

Today I woke up feeling like a mack truck had hit me, backed up and hit me again. I had a headache, body aches and some type of sinus problems. I was concerned, I looked it up online and these wonderful things are all side effects of the medicine I'm injecting into me. GREAT! But the end result is worth all the suffering. I finally felt better around the time of my next injection, how ironic lol.

The second injection went more smoothly then yesterdays. This time I took some advice I read saying to ice the area for a few mins before injecting the meds. Then to slowly insert the needle,and slowly push the plunger down and holding it in for a count of 5. No stinging today, I think I have gotten this injection thing down. Now lets hope my follicles are growing, but not too many!

Baseline Ultrasound Today

Well I had my baseline ultrasound today at 7:30 am. Everything looked perfect!!!! No cysts and my lining was good. My nurse just called me 15 mins ago to tell me that this injectable cycle is a go, and to start my follistim injections tonight between 5-10 pm and stick within 30 minutes of whatever time I chose. I'm thinking about 7pm might be a good time, now if only I can get over my fear of needles by then lol! I'll update as how my first injection went later tonight, wish me luck! My next sonogram to check follicles is on the 23rd at 9:15 am.

**Update**

Well I didn't do my injection until 9pm. It was a little unnerving at first, but I sucked it up and did it. OWWIE!!! It wasn't so bad going in, but after I took the needle out the area stung for a while due to the medicine. All in all not too bad. I think I can do this again.

My Meds have arrived!

Well after arguing yesterday with the insurance people and the pharmacy about what is and is not covered, it was finally confirmed that I am approved coverage for my injectable cycle. The meds were delivered today. I opened up the box and was so overwhelmed by all that I will be taking this cycle. After cycles of only taking two pills at night, now I have to inject follistim nightly, then Trigger and then take progesterone suppositories. I know its alot less than what those who are doing IVF have to do, but its still just a bit overwhelming to me. I go for my baseline sonogram tomorrow, I hope my ovaries are free of cysts, so I can begin my treatment!

Injectable Cycle #1 Here we go!

Had my injection training yesterday, it was interesting but I'm not sure if I'm really ready to be sticking myself quite yet. I will have to get over that pretty quickly since I finally got my period. My baseline sonogram is on Saturday, I am hoping they find that my ovaries are quiet and ready to be stimmed. I am so excited/nervous/hopeful about this cycle and I thought it would never happen! My UTI seems to have gotten better, although I'm not to fond of the antibiotics since I've started taking them on Monday I've had a nonstop headache. My mind is racing with all the possibilities of this cycle, and with a very real sense of hope. Now if only I can keep my thoughts positive!!!!

Denfinitely a UTI

Well I suffered most of the day until I was able to go to my regular doctors office, I definitely have a UTI. I finally got the antibiotics and some type of pain reliever. Tomorrow I have another appt. for my Injection class. I hope I can make it on time, this is getting ridiculous. I still haven't had my period yet its been 5 days since my last Provera pill. This isn't normal for me, I usually start 3 days after the last pill. I'm wondering if somehow this UTI has messed up my cycle. I will just have to ask my nurse what I should do next.

Missed Injection Class and a UTI

Friday I was scheduled for my injection teach, where the nurse would of told me what medicines I would be using and how to inject the medicines properly. Well thanks to DH (definitely DAMN Husband this time) was late picking me up and we were over 20 mins late thanks to traffic. By the time I got to the office, the nurse had already started on another patient, and I was told I would have to reschedule. I lost it for a moment, I was so angry/frustrated that I looked at DH and said thanks for making me late, turned around and ran out of the office with tears. I sat in the car until DH came out telling me the nurse would just call me later with another appt. I didn't speak to him until we got home. I was called by the nurse later in the afternoon telling me that she will call me back on Monday to schedule another appt.

Saturday I started having some cramping in my lower abdomen, I thought it was due to the fact that I finished Provera on Thursday and should be having my period soon. Then later that evening the cramping got worse and I started noticing that my urine was really cloudy and weird smelling. It was too late to do anything about it so on Sunday I went to the drug store and bought this UTI test from AZO, took it and it turned positive, GREATTTT I have a freaking UTI! Dr's office was closed, so I will be calling on Monday to see if I can get in so I can get the antibiotics started, all I need is it to turn into a kidney infection. Oh AF is still missing, where is that witch?!?!

Repeat HSG and Failed Clomid Cycles

I finally was able to have a repeat HSG last week, the RE prescribed Valium hoping to help relax the the uterus, and Motrin to help the pain. Went through the whole changing into the gown,booties and hair net thing again. This time I had great news, both of my fallopian tubes are clear and open!!!!! Needless to say I'm over the moon happy about that news. Was prescribed clomid at 100 mgs from CD 5-9 for the first month (before the repeat HSG) and ovulated, but no BFP. Second Cycle in May was a big fat FAIL. I was prescribed the same dosage of Clomid and took it on the same days, but when I went in for my surge ultrasound, my follicles were stalled at 10mm, Dr prescribed 5 more days of clomid at a 150 mgs and told me to come back for another ultrasound in a week. Took the clomid, went for the ultrasound, follicles still only at 10 mm RE decided the cycle was a fail and prescribed Provera to start my cycles and asked me what I wanted to do next, continue with the clomid at a higher dosage or Injections. I chose injections, nervous and excited at the same time!!!!

HSG AKA Hell

After meeting with the RE for the first time, I was scheduled for an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram). A procedure where they pass a tiny catheter through the cervix into the uterus and fill the uterus up with dye to see if it drains through the fallopian tubes. Needless to say that whole idea scared the crap out of me! Arrived at the office, was told to put on a hospital gown, booties and a hair net, and led into a room that held equipment that looks like it belonged on an alien space ship. Told to lay down, and put my feet in the stirrups and relax, YEAH RIGHT! It was the most painful experience of my life (haven't had the pleasure of labor pains yet, so we will see which is worse). The doctor told me that unfortunately both my tubes appeared to be blocked, since the dye did not go through. I was devastated, I couldn't believe it. Then the RE proceeded to tell me my only options were to go for a Laprascopic surgery or IVF. I wasn't big on either of the ideas, and convinced the RE to do a repeat HSG on my next cycle. My DH's SA came back as normal, so that is great for him, but now I have to figure out whats wrong on my end!

First Re appt.

After Pcsing to California, We decided to get settled in to our new life on recruiting duty before we began to TTC again. It took about a year, I done my research, and found out there was a Fertility Center here that was well recommended. I went to my primary care physician to get a referral to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) at the clinic. I was excited but so scared, what if the RE told us that there was nothing she could do for us, and we'd never be parents? Finally the day of the appt arrived. We met with the RE, she looked over my medical records, and old BBT charts from the clomid cycles, and said, we'll start with blood work, and another ultrasound, oh yay, here comes the dildo cam again (which i didn't know at the time but it was going to be one of many times we would meet). She also ordered my DH ( Dear or Damn Husband depending on his actions!) a Semen analysis (SA) and me to get a HSG (Hystero something or other) which meant dye being put into my uterus to see if my tubes were open.

Then she said we would start with 2-3 rounds of clomid to see if that will work, and if not, then we'll move on to Plan B.

The Begining of The Long Journey

I suppose I should start from the beginning. I've always been overweight as a teen. But never knew why, as well as starting to sprout hairs on my chin, and and my chest. At first it was only one or two but gradually began to see more and more. I've always had irregular menstrual cycles, but every doctor I went to in my teens told me that it would become more regular as you get older. Well, that was the most useless piece of BS I've ever heard, but at the time I believed them.

Fast forward to my mid twenties, I found the man of my dreams, got married at 23, 3 years later we decided it was time to try for a baby, We thought it was going to be easy, I mean all my sisters got pregnant with out even trying, so it should happen just easily for me right? Wrong! I guess 6 month deployment separations really didn't help that much. After trying for a year, I decided maybe next time I go in for my yearly pap, I'll ask my primary care Dr, whats wrong with me. Well he was clueless and told me that he was going to refer me to an outside ob gyn, since he was just a general Dr. This was January of 2008, I didn't get the referral until March.

My first visit, went well, got blood work done, everything looked normal, except I had a higher level of androgens, had my first experience with the dildo cam (vaginal ultrasound) she found numerous cysts on both ovaries, and declared that I have PCOS. She put me on Metformin, and clomid, monitored only by blood work for P4, from what I know now, that was very stupid of her to do, and me to go along with but I digress, and told me to call her if I got a positive test or my period. First cycle of clomid 50mgs was a FAIL, 2nd and 3rd cycle of clomid 100 mgs confirmed ovulation from P4 tests, but no BFPs in sight. Fourth cycle clomid 100mgs I got a faint pink line on a Frer at 14Dpo took two more tests over the next day, the line seemed to be fainter, called my Ob gyn who told me to go get a beta test done the next day. I thought my journey was finally over, no such luck, started to bleed the next morning, decided to not go through with the beta, obviously it was over, I had a chemical pregnancy. I decided to not try another cycle due to the fact that we were PCSing to California for recruiting duty, and the fact that I wasn't ready and was still upset.