Beyond Frustrated!!!!

I am so frustrated right now, I have been cramping and spotting Since Sunday night, but I still am not getting a full flow yet. Everything is here, My meds are in the fridge awaiting their usage. I called the nurse this afternoon and she told me the Dr. has already left the office, and I would have to wait until tomorrow to see what the next steps are going to be. The nurse mentioned a few options that are a  possibility A) I could take Provera for a few days to see if it'll jump start my A/F, B) I could take Prometrium  to do the same, or C) wait a few more days to see if A/F will get her head out of her ass and start already. I hate all this we'll see whats what business. My patience is wearing very thin!

Injectable Cycle #2 on the way

There was a small mix up on Friday and I wasn't able to start my provera so I had to wait the weekend to call my nurse back. On Sunday night I started to spot a little bit, it continued onto Monday and today. I called my nurse and she set the wheels in motion. I just got a call from the pharmacy my meds are going to be delivered tomorrow afternoon. Now I have to wait and see if I get full flow, so I can call and schedule my baseline ultrasound. If no full flow by Thursday I have to call the nurse back to see what my next steps are. Come on AF!!! Quit playing around and get to work! I'm hoping that this cycle has better results than the last.

OHH AF WHERE ARE YOU?????

Ok so I'm getting antsy, where oh where has the witch gone? I knew this was going to happen, I most likely didn't ovulate on this natural cycle and now I'm lost on what to do. I could wait until I start to bleed naturally which could take another 10-20 days or call the dr. and get prescribed provera to bring the witch back in a week. I really hoped this "hail mary" cycle would work but, no such luck guess I'm broken and will only ovulate if forced by meds. This sucks!


**UPDATE**
I decided to call my nurse and ask her if I could be prescibed provera, Its a go. DH is picking it up for me on his way home from work. Here we go again!

What IF?

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.


This video puts into words and pictures the thoughts that run through my mind daily. I really wish IF wasn't such a secret pain, lets banish this thought!!!! Thank you Keiko where ever you are!!!! www.resolve.org/takecharge Visit this website to make a difference!

Taking A Break

I decided to sit out this cycle. Two reasons for this decision, 1) I want to make sure everything is back to normal before trying again, I know it was an early loss, and waiting isn't usually needed, but if I did go ahead with this cycle and have another chemical, I would wonder if maybe waiting would of changed things and 2) Dh and I had planned on taking a trip to Vegas at the end of July for our 7 year anniversary, and the dates we are gone would have coincided with the dates of my Follicle Scans, which I wouldn't be able to miss. So I am going to try and get my  health back on track, and enjoy Vegas, and then its back to the merry go round of injections and 2wws.

It's Over

"No farewell words were spoken, No time to say Goodbye,
You were gone before we knew it, And only God knows why" -anonymous

Today I had my second HCG Beta blood work drawn. The Dr. called back and said my numbers are decreasing, it was a 5. She said I should expect to start bleeding in the next day or two. I started cramping and spotting lightly tonight. Another chemical pregnancy, I don't know how I should feel. Why does this keep happening to me? I know its only my second chemical pregnancy, but I thought this time would be different. I found this fact on one of the medical websites "Chemical pregnancies are unfortunately very common. 50 to 60% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage very early in pregnancy."

Knowing that, and after experiencing two, I wonder if I should  even try again. The Dr. asked me what I wanted to do, I told her I'm not sure, and I would get back to her after I have my first day of heavy bleeding. I'm debating on waiting a cycle, to make sure all the hormones and such get back to normal, but at the same time I feel as if waiting will only make me depressed and I might decide not to go ahead with the next cycle. I have very limited tries before we either PCS to another duty station or EAS completely and lose infertility health coverage. On one hand, If i try again and end up pregnant to only lose again, I will be completely devestated, but if I give up, and then lose health coverage I don't know when I'll be able to try again. Decisions, Decisions! I cried earlier, but now I am numb, I don't know what to do.

Beta HCG Blood test Today

The 2ww is finally over. I took a couple of target brand tests the other day and both came up with light lines. I went in today to get my blood drawn to check my Hcg levels. Dr called back not that long ago, it was positive, but the bad news is that the level is very low at 7. Normal Hcg levels should be between 48- 150 at 14DPO. She told me not to get my hopes up, that I most likely will miscarry, but she also said that it could be too early and my levels aren't high enough yet. I have a bad feeling about this. I go back in on Thursday to get my HCG levels rechecked. Stick lil one, Stick!!!