D&c follow up Appt.

Monday I finally went for my follow up Appt. 7 1/2 weeks after my D&C. It was at a different office then where my ultrasound was done that confirmed the loss of our lil' one. That made it a little easier to get through. Sitting in the exam room I tried not to think about the last time I had an ultrasound, thankfully I didn't have long to wait, the RE came in and she asked me how have I been holding up, I replied that I was ok, she smiled and patted my shoulder and told me I was a trooper and a strong woman. She asked how long did I bleed for, 2 weeks, she than asked me if AF had come and told her other than spotting brown a few days before nothing. She than put the dildo cam in place and told me that my lining was looking quite thick and that it was ready to be shed. She looked at both of my ovaries that showed no signs of ovulation and told me to get dressed and come to her office so we could go over the next steps.

In the office she pulled up a few images on her computer screen of my uterus, she told me that my uterus had a dip on top at the fundus which was considered a heart shaped or bicornuate uterus. She the proceeded to tell me that even though it was abnormally shaped she didn't believe that was the cause of my miscarriage. Then we talked about the possibility of chromosomal problems but she then also stated that we were young and it wasn't too common for that to be the cause at our age but told us that we both would be karotyped anyways. Then she started on the possibility of immune and clotting issues which she also ordered testing. By then I felt as if my head would explode with all the info she was telling us. Then she told me she wanted me to Start taking provera to start my AF and by the time I was ready to start the stims she would have the results of testing except for the karotyping. She also told me to start taking baby aspirin as a precaution daily except for when when I had a/f. I anxiously await the results of the testing and I am also scared of getting pregnant again only to miscarry. But I need to try again, I want to be a mom someday, not just a mom to angels.

New Year, New Hope

3 hours into the New Year, and here I am sipping on champagne when I should be celebrating with a glass of sparkling cider. When I think of the year 2010, a year that began with such hope and possibilities as all new years do, I can't help but to think of the losses that I have survived. I am not just thinking about my loss in July or my most recent loss, I am also thinking about and mourning the loss of innocence, excitement, and the enjoyment of pregnancy and TTC. 2010 has been most cruel to me and I am not sorry to see it leave, instead I wish it good riddance and hopefully as it's exiting the door slams it on it's ass!

2011 I am welcoming you with open arms as well as an open heart. I only ask that you treat me better than the last year has. Once again on the eve of the New Year I am full of hope and possibilities but I am also wary of last year repeating itself this year. My follow up appointment with my RE is on the Jan. 10th, we will be discussing my options as well as the next course of treatment. I look forward to working through this and hope to have some answers as well as some hope. Happy New Year!! I am hopeful that its better!