D&c follow up Appt.

Monday I finally went for my follow up Appt. 7 1/2 weeks after my D&C. It was at a different office then where my ultrasound was done that confirmed the loss of our lil' one. That made it a little easier to get through. Sitting in the exam room I tried not to think about the last time I had an ultrasound, thankfully I didn't have long to wait, the RE came in and she asked me how have I been holding up, I replied that I was ok, she smiled and patted my shoulder and told me I was a trooper and a strong woman. She asked how long did I bleed for, 2 weeks, she than asked me if AF had come and told her other than spotting brown a few days before nothing. She than put the dildo cam in place and told me that my lining was looking quite thick and that it was ready to be shed. She looked at both of my ovaries that showed no signs of ovulation and told me to get dressed and come to her office so we could go over the next steps.

In the office she pulled up a few images on her computer screen of my uterus, she told me that my uterus had a dip on top at the fundus which was considered a heart shaped or bicornuate uterus. She the proceeded to tell me that even though it was abnormally shaped she didn't believe that was the cause of my miscarriage. Then we talked about the possibility of chromosomal problems but she then also stated that we were young and it wasn't too common for that to be the cause at our age but told us that we both would be karotyped anyways. Then she started on the possibility of immune and clotting issues which she also ordered testing. By then I felt as if my head would explode with all the info she was telling us. Then she told me she wanted me to Start taking provera to start my AF and by the time I was ready to start the stims she would have the results of testing except for the karotyping. She also told me to start taking baby aspirin as a precaution daily except for when when I had a/f. I anxiously await the results of the testing and I am also scared of getting pregnant again only to miscarry. But I need to try again, I want to be a mom someday, not just a mom to angels.

New Year, New Hope

3 hours into the New Year, and here I am sipping on champagne when I should be celebrating with a glass of sparkling cider. When I think of the year 2010, a year that began with such hope and possibilities as all new years do, I can't help but to think of the losses that I have survived. I am not just thinking about my loss in July or my most recent loss, I am also thinking about and mourning the loss of innocence, excitement, and the enjoyment of pregnancy and TTC. 2010 has been most cruel to me and I am not sorry to see it leave, instead I wish it good riddance and hopefully as it's exiting the door slams it on it's ass!

2011 I am welcoming you with open arms as well as an open heart. I only ask that you treat me better than the last year has. Once again on the eve of the New Year I am full of hope and possibilities but I am also wary of last year repeating itself this year. My follow up appointment with my RE is on the Jan. 10th, we will be discussing my options as well as the next course of treatment. I look forward to working through this and hope to have some answers as well as some hope. Happy New Year!! I am hopeful that its better!

D&C Test Results

Today my RE called she wanted to see how I was feeling. I was happy to tell her that the bleeding and cramping was behind me. She was happy to hear that and then she dumped on me the news that the tissue she sent for testing after my D&C came back as normal pregnancy tissue with not enough to do chromosomal testing. Then the RE asked me if I made my follow up appt to which I responded not yet, well she said I will be gone from the week before Christmas to after Christmas so I'll see you then. I really had hoped to get an appt sooner so we could discuss the next steps and what testing should I be looking into because if everything was normal, it has to be something in my body that caused me to miscarry. I hung up the phone and began to cry because I started to think about the perfect little one that I was carrying and not knowing what caused me to lose my lil angel.

2 Weeks Post D&C

Last  time I blogged I was still cramping and bleeding heavily. I am happy to say that I am no longer cramping or bleeding! This is good because it means that my hcg level is most likely down to less than 5 and my body is getting back on track. Wednesday and Thursday (Thanksgiving) I bled on and off with (TMI ahead, if squeamish turn back now) clots that were red and white looking, I googled and I am quite sure it was placental tissue pieces that were scraped off but missed being suctioned out. It was disgusting and after passing these my bleeding would get heavier I was so scared I would have to go back to the ER or have to get another D&C but Thursday evening my bleeding started to lighten and by Friday morning I was just spotting brownish looking discharge.

Now I'm waiting for my follow up appt. I should be seeing my DR in a week or so. I have to call and set the appt. I am anxious to find out if the tissue testing will tell us what went wrong. I'm also hoping to hear how long we will have to wait until we can try again. Physically I think she will say right after my next AF cycle but emotionally I may need to wait a little longer. I still have days where I want to crawl into a hole and forget everything around me, I also get so angry I want to scream and throw things, but I don't follow through on those urges. Other days I am sad but get through it with out any tears or angry feelings. I hope this phase doesn't last too much longer its exhausting to go through so many ups and downs. Its getting better though, I have a more ok days then bad days. I love my DH, he is such a rock to lean on, he understands my ups and downs and doesn't say anything but will hug me and let me cry.

Recovery Problems

The day of the procedure I  was still numb from the medicine they gave me so I didn't feel much. The next day I had cramping and light bleeding. on Friday I had severe cramping with light bleeding that the Motrin 800mg the Dr. prescribed didn't really help. Saturday it was worse, I had contraction like cramping every 5-10 mins which would take my breath away. I finally had enough of the pain and decided to go to the ER. I got there and they had me give a urine sample then they brought me back to a room. The nurse took a few vials of blood and put in an Iv port. Then the Dr came in, she told me that she was going to do a pelvic exam and also send me down for an ultrasound to make sure there wasn't any retained pregnancy items. Then she asked me if I would like some morphine for pain, which was given through injection in the backside. I declined the morphine and was given Tylenol with Codeine. I was sent to the ultrasound first, the tech first tried to use the handheld wand on my abdomen, which was very painful, and couldn't really see if there was anything, then she used the trans vaginal wand aka Dildo cam which was even more painful. She didn't say much about what she saw and told me the Dr. would give me more info.

After the ultrasound I was taken back to the room and hooked up to a monitor that showed my pulse and oxygen saturation. They also hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff that would take my blood pressure every 15 minutes (which was very annoying!). The Dr came back in to do the pelvic exam  and OMG that was painful, normally they aren't very comfortable, but this was excruciating, it felt like she was ramming her finger all the way up my uterus. I was climbing the back of the bed just  to get away from her. After the exam she told me she was going to call the Dr who did my procedure and she would be back with what would be next. What seemed like an eternity later she came back and told me that the ultrasound showed my lining was still very thick, and that there was blood pooling in my uterus also she told me that I have a mild infection called endometritis which contributed to the intense cramping I was feeling. I was given a prescription for antibiotics and Tylenol with codeine and sent home with instructions to follow up with my regular Dr.

I have been feeling cramping still with more increased bleeding, but nothing as severe as Friday and Saturday. I am hoping that I will hurry up and recover from this procedure, I really thought it would be easier. Nothing is ever easier for me it seems. Emotionally I'm a little bitter and numb, sadness comes in waves and doesn't last long. I'm just tired I guess and want to move on from this whole experience.

My D&C experience

Wednesday the 17th I went in for my procedure. Everything seemed to happen so quickly. I arrived at 11am, DH had to drop me off at the entrance because there was no parking to be found in the garage. I went to the outpatient surgery desk and was given some paperwork to fill out regarding past procedures and allergy information. From there I took the elevator to the surgery center I only waited a few minutes in the waiting room before being called back to change into the fashionable and accessible hospital gown. Then it was time to go to the back where a bed was waiting for me. I got in and nervously looked around at all the medical supplies. Nurse came in to ask me questions and start my IV I was really starting to get nervous at that time, but she was nice and numbed my hand before putting the IV in. Then finally my DH got come back to wait with me. The anesthesiologist nurse came in to ask me more questions and to tell me the Dr would be in shortly to give me something to relax me. A few mins later the Dr. came in with something in syringe and pushed the medicine into my IV line, the nurse came back and told me everything was ready to go and that it was time, told DH that I loved him and gave him my wedding ring (which he dropped!!! and had to go to lost and found to get it back) he kissed me on the forehead and told me he loved me and that he'll be there as soon as they will allow him to come back. I remember being rolled through the hallways even though I was feeling groggy, and being told to slide onto the bed in the operating room. The last thing I remember was the Dr putting on the oxygen mask and telling me to take deep breaths.

Next thing I remember is feeling someone tucking something between legs and saying she should be waking up in a minute. I opened my eyes and said hi, looked around at the Dr.s and nurses and asked them if they were done yet. I then got rolled back into the recovery room and was given water and then ginger ale and graham crackers. DH came back and gave me a hug and asked I was feeling, I told him I felt funny and then I told him that he should have some of the meds I had they were good! 30 mins later the nurse came in and said it was time for me to go the bathroom and to see if I was ready to go home. I got dressed and was wheeled out to the car. All in all, the experience wasn't that bad and I am grateful for the wonderful nurses and doctors who took care of me. I hope I never have to have the procedure again though.

D&C on Wednesday

Friday I went to the dr.s since it was 2weeks+ That we found out that our little one had stopped growing. Dr. did one last ultrasound to see what was going on, she told us that the lil one stopped growing at around 7wks and that it looked like my body was already reabsorbing everything in the sack although the sack was measuring at 10 weeks. She also stated it could take several more weeks before my body would miscarry naturally. So we scheduled the D&C for Wednesday. She told me that she would be doing the procedure ( which I am happy about that, I'm not sure if I could trust anyone else) and that she would be sending tissue samples out for testing to see if it was chromosomally or something else that caused the miscarriage.

I am so nervous, Tuesday I will have to call the medical center for pre registration and on I will start fasting that night meaning no drinking liquids including water, and no food past 10pm. On Wednesday I will have to be at the medical center at 11am and my procedure won't be until 1pm. The dr. told me that the D&C will only take 20-30 mins and that I will be under light sedation. I will probably able to leave the hosptial by 3. I hope this will go smoothly and that this will be the first and only time I will have to have this procedure done.